I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
