there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
