When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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