Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
