If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
