Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize