I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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