I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
