hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
