Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
