I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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