So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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