I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
