her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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