I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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