guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
