my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
