Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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