If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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