Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He better not be in your backpack
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize