Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
