its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
