The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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