I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
