If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
