Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
