How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize