Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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