btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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