Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
