This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
