u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Let's paint friendship bongs
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
