omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize