This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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