ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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