I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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