That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
