he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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