I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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