literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
