It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
