I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She bit a glass in half.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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