tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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