you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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