HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I haven't been this sober since birth.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize