i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
