dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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