I must be too annoying 4 u.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
