Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize