you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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