are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
