he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
