He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
