When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
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