Don't you send me to vm
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
