whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
