Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
