OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
