Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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