I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
