This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
