Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
