jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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