you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
