The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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