You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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