Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
