Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
