who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
