the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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