If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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