I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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