hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
