Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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