This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize