My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
