Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize