Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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