Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
