I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
