he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
