grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
