She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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