I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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