she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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