He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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