Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
