i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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