ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
