I wish they made helmets for livers.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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