Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
