you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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