I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
