I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
