i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
