I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
