If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
