Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
