a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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