I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
